When I found the lump i knew.

This wasn’t like the other lumps in my boobs. Yes, other lumps. For ten-ish years I’ve been blessed with the gift of fibroadenomas.

fibroadenomas

When I found my first lump as a clueless 20 year old I freaked out. I thought it was cancer, that I was going to die, game over. It turns out breasts can have a bunch of different lumps that are harmless. This was one of them. I wish we were taught that, because a lot of breast lumps fall into the harmless category. Would have spared me that period of high blood pressure if I was educated. I know I’m not the only one.

Over the years more fibroadenomas developed, some came and went, others changed size (smaller or larger), but I’ve learned to live with my lumpy roommates. Because of this I keep tabs who is doing what inside my breast through monthly checks where I prod and poke around my boob. This is how I found the weird lump in August 2023.

The weird lump

In my routine roommate checkup I found a new lump that felt unlike the others. I immediately knew something was wrong, because:

Roommates (Fibroadenomas)

Defined edges - I could feel the shape of them very easily. For me it was like feeling a little ball or dice-shaped thing. It was also pretty firm.
No pain - They didn’t hurt, whether I was touching them or not.
Stable Size - They would grow slowly, diminish slowly, and just generally chill.
Moveable - I can manipulate my breast tissue and they move around too.

Weird Lump (Spoiler, it’s cancer)

Undefined edges - I could feel it, but there wasn’t a tangible beginning or end to it. It felt like a chunk of meat is the best way to describe it. Its a lot softer than the roomies.
Tender - Theres always a mild pain radiating from it. It’s a relentless reminder it exists and I hate it.
Growing - In the short amount of time I detected it, it was growing a lot faster than my roommates.
Un-moveable - If I manipulate my breast it stays firmly in place.

Having fibroadenomas strangely became a blessing as I caught the weird lump in these routine roommate checks, andI had a baseline ‘normal’ for my boob lumps. If you would’ve told me at age 20 that these lumps would help me I would have….probably believed you? Maybe raised an eyebrow.

The unshakeable dread

The moment I found that weird lump I was filled with a dread that wouldn’t go away. It relentlessly gnawed at my mind, and writhed in my stomach. “It’s cancer” it would say, but I waved it away and tried to focus on whatever funny tiktok I was watching. The worst was trying to fall asleep and having to sit with and quell this relentless feeling. It was unlike any other anxiety I experienced before.

Throughout my life I’ve been a follower of my ‘gut feeling’ — it’s often correct (although it has caused me to do dumbass things or be more paranoid than I need to). This gut feeling was very strong, and the ongoing nature of it, even for a couple weeks, was enough for me to call my doctor.

So we scheduled a routine checkup appointment.

WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW

What I need right now, from most involved to least involved:

Donate to my gofundme
Have me over for a meal
Invite me to an activity, plan an outing with me
Check in on me and my partner, Bryce (if she knows you). Let us know you are thinking of us.
Send positive energy: cast a spell, send a prayer, perform a ritual. All good energy helps!
Have me and my partner in your thoughts

UPCOMING APPOINTMENTS

Bilateral mastectomy - October 17th: Full removal of my breasts as well as some lymph nodes
- Pre-surgery - October 16th

ENBY BC - 02 - Detection