ENBY BC - 06 - Reintroduction
I’ve recently hit two weeks since my double mastectomy.
This has come with removal of my drains, increased mobility, the removal of bandages, and an unobstructed view of my chest.
Conflicted Feelings
It’s been super affirming to have a flat chest, to look at myself in the mirror and see a smooth silhouette frontside. The strange thing is it isn’t celebratory - its quiet and reflective. What I had to do to achieve this is also a mark of what is being taken away from me.
Photo by Bea List Photography
Titty Journey - Acceptance
My relationship with my chest has been contentious to say the least - I wore a binder to achieve this flat look. After gaining some weight a binder felt more restrictive than comforting, so I switched to bralettes and began my journey of accepting what I had. The turning point for accepting my chest was when I began using my boobs as a part of my drag silhouette. Instead of reducing them I enhanced them with a very powerful push-up bra. This reframing of my chest allowed me to not only accept, but appreciate what I had going on. I was then able to wear light bralettes or unabashedly go braless in my day-to-day.
What I feel was the final step in my acceptance was adorning my boobs in tattoos from Steph Speer. This elevated my my appreciation of my chest to love. This was a year ago. I got to live with a part of myself I’d finally accepted for one year. And then it was time to say goodbye.
Photo by Cinic Studio
Titty Journey - Mastectomy
Even with the newfound love I had it was very easy to make the call for total removal of both breasts - a double mastectomy, aesthetic flat closure. There were other options presented to me - bilateral Mastectomy, lumpectomy, reconstruction - but it was an easy decision to go flat. For me this decision was based on recurrence and ease (less likely to need radiation, and no need for yearly mammograms), but most importantly the opportunity to go flat. I’ve always considered top surgery, even after accepting and loving my boobs.
What deterred me was a lack of funds for private surgery, and what I’d seen and heard many of my friends and community members experience through the public system . The waitlist is long, the paperwork is grueling/inaccessible, and the system is full of people and policies that wear down trans people attempting to work within it. A holy trinity of bummer.
I was pleasantly surprised with the ease of acceptance from my surgeon (Dr. John Graham) regarding my decision. I’ve heard many stories of breast cancer patients being pushed for reconstruction or a lumpectomy to avoid ‘destroying’ their boobs, and some not even being offered the option of an aesthetic flat closure. Dr. Graham not only accepted my decision, he’d noted that I was trans and researched top surgery so he could bring it into our discussion. To ease my fear of recurrance I let him know that I didn’t care to spare my nipples nor attempt any resemblance top surgery — Get rid of it all! And so he did.
Mastectomy - This is new
So the bandages are fresh off. It’s all brand new. Not quite sure how I feel yet. But I can tell you one thing - I’m very relieved to no longer have drains!
What’s Next
Receive Pathology report so we can move ahead with my treatment plan (chemo, radiation, hormone therapy)
Nurse Navigator advised me it will be in after November 14th
Stretches and scar massage
Another fundraiser drag event — Face & Titties! See below for more info.
UPCOMING EVENTS
FACE & TITTIES: A DRAG FUNDRAISER FOR MIKE & BRYCE
November 9th 2023 - Dickens (18+) - Tix 10$ Presale, 15$ Door
Cancer has a funny way of timing itself. Bryce has facial feminization surgery at the end of November. This was our primary focus until the cancer diagnosis. It’s expensive. So is having cancer! So, Fake Mustache, the troupe that I started my drag journey with, has kindly offered a night of drag for the sake of Bryce and I. Family and friends welcome! We’d love to see everyone!
WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW
What I need right now, from most involved to least involved:
Prepare a meal for me. I’ve set up a MealTrain for this.
Donate to my gofundme
Check in on me and my partner, Bryce (if she knows you). Let us know you are thinking of us. Please be patient with my response time — I’m healing from surgery.
Recommend movies for me to watch while I’m stuck at home. Please mention where I can find them also
Send positive energy: cast a spell, send a prayer, perform a ritual. All good energy helps!
Have me and my partner in your thoughts
