ENBY BC - 05 - Healing
Its been a week and a some days since My double mastectomy.
Life Currently
Healing for the most part has been uneventful and boring — but I suppose this is a good thing. I’ve lived in my bed and on the couch, as well as inbetween. Being as active as I am it has been difficult to remain static. Losing the autonomy to perform simple tasks such as putting on clothes, reaching for things, opening doors, hasn’t been ideal for me, and it eats away at the moral I’m fighting to retain. I find myself squirrely from being stuck inside. The recent snowfall hasn’t helped.
I’ve also been wearing the same outfit since surgery. A black mastectomy shirt, black sweatpants, and a pink neck pillow. We wash them here and there, but it’s funny because I feel like a cartoon character with the same clothes everyday. I sure am comfy though.
Lastly, I received results for genetic testing and my genes came back clean! This means my cancer is not genetic. My geneticist congratulated me about my results, which he says he does not do often, as they were about as standard of a result as they can be. So my cancer is not genetic, which is good news for family.
My Chest
I don’t want to go into too much detail here as I will likely make a comic about it down the line, but having a flat chest has been very affirming in its way. Its a bit more hollowed out than the standard gender-affirming top surgery received by transgender people, but my surgeon did an incredible job. I’m looking forward to reacquainting myself with with my wardrobe once the drains are removed. The path I took to get here is not ideal, but hey, here I am. I will say - phantom boob feeling is real, and weird.
Love
Having my partner Bryce present to assist has been a godsend, however the shift in our relationship to a that of a caregiver-oriented one presents its own challenges for both of us. She is someone who I want to protect absolutely, and unfortunately I cannot protect her from my cancer diagnosis. I’m so grateful she is here with me, and steadfast. Our domestic repertoire now includes drain upkeep, watching lots of trashy tv, and sleeping in separate beds (while I’m healing).
Due to having the cancer I am definitely the ‘star’ of the show, however I remind those reading to hold space for Bryce as this diagnosis has affected her as profoundly as I. Sometimes I wonder if it’s affected her even moreso. She deserves all the love in the world, so please give her kindness and goodness.
Cancer Fatigue
it’s real folks. I’m tired of it being the centre of every conversation, subliminally or otherwise. Tired of it being the centre of my life. It can’t be helped too much unfortunately, this is a truth I’m learning about having cancer.
As I’ve requested before I ask that all you lovely, well-intentioned folks don’t open conversations with cancer stuff, and please ask me if I’d like to talk about cancer before jumping into questions. I’ve also had strangers, almost-strangers, childhood friends, and acquaintances coming out of the woodwork to ask me questions and request I keep them in the loop.
There is immense emotional labour involved in carrying a cancer diagnosis and being expected to answer questions and provide updates and information to everyone. I started this blog to alleviate some of this, same with the comic. If I could make one request for everyone: Please educate yourselves on breast cancers and treatments so I can spend less time doing so. I’m here to exist and heal, and doing your own research will help me with this. This also goes for my partner, please be considerate when approaching her about cancer stuff.
Gratitude
Ranting aside, there has been so much to be grateful for. Cancer has given me the gift of gratitude.
I’ve been seeing and talking to many friends, and receiving so many delicious home cooked meals, gift cards, handmade gifts, and well-wishes. It’s incredible. I am still blown away by all of it. I feel your love and hope, and it makes me hopeful too. Thank you so much everyone— I haven’t had the energy to thank people individually but I am so very grateful for all that you are doing to help us. <3
What’s Next
Get these damn drains out once they are emptying >30ml daily, for two days in a row
Receive Pathology report so we can move ahead with my treatment plan (chemo, radiation, hormone therapy)
Get back into moving—slowly, gently, but intentionally. I really miss working out.
Another fundraiser drag event — Face & Titties! See below for more info.
Upcoming Events
Face & Titties: A drag Fundraiser for Mike & Bryce
November 9th 2023 - Dickens (18+) - Tix 10$ Presale, 15$ Door
Cancer has a funny way of timing itself. Bryce has facial feminization surgery at the end of November. This was our primary focus until the cancer diagnosis. It’s expensive. So is having cancer! So, Fake Mustache, the troupe that I started my drag journey with, has kindly offered a night of drag for the sake of Bryce and I. Family and friends welcome! We’d love to see everyone!
Mike’s Movies!
Something nice about surgery respite is all the movies I get to watch! Everyone has been passing on lovely recommendations, so I wanted to return the favor by sharing some brief thoughts about each. Check it out!
WHAT I NEED RIGHT NOW
What I need right now, from most involved to least involved:
Prepare a meal for me. I’ve set up a MealTrain for this.
Donate to my gofundme
Check in on me and my partner, Bryce (if she knows you). Let us know you are thinking of us. Please be patient with my response time — I’m healing from surgery.
Recommend movies for me to watch while I’m stuck at home. Please mention where I can find them also
Send positive energy: cast a spell, send a prayer, perform a ritual. All good energy helps!
Have me and my partner in your thoughts
