Enby BC - 09 - Partnership
With this cancer diagnosis Bryce has become more than my partner.
She is my caretaker, my co-survivor. My pain is shared with her, and she carries the unique burden of carrying me. Through my diagnosis she held me, assured me, and cried with me as I faced the fearful unknown and received unwanted news. She still does.
Through surgery she took care of me, fed me, dressed me, emptied my drains, dressed my wounds, and comforted me. I was looking forward to returning the favor as she recieved her highly-anticipated facial feminization surgery a month and a bit later. Unfortunately this would not come to be, as I still needed to do more healing. It was heartbreaking to feel as though I’d abandoned her when she would need me— we’d been planning for this surgery for years. That plan didn’t account for cancer.
The day of her surgery I was a nervous wreck. I felt helpless so far away. All I could do was gulp down wine, blast Third Eye Blind, and cry. Thankfully she has a dear friend taking care of her competantly, and I was in the company of good friends who allowed me to feel my feels and also kept me distracted.
Bryce’s surgery was a success, and I’m still eagerly awaiting her return home in a couple days, when I can maybe feel useful by taking care of her a bit. I didn’t realize how much space she took up in our apartment with the smell of brewing coffee and the sounds of music.
WHAT’S NEXT
Head shave + tattoo in anticipation of chemo. December 9th
Meet with oncologist November 12th to figure out treatment plan.
