Enby BC - 12 - Transmutation
It had been weighing on me that I would soon be the baldest I’ve ever been.
This in itself is not a big deal— I’d previously rocked a buzzcut for nearly 5 years as a part of coming out as non-binary. Classic. What was a big deal was this provided me the opportunity to be very bald for quite a while, and I began considering this an opportunity to claim why this hair loss was happening as an act of control. I would get a tattoo.
This was the first tattoo where the imagery didn’t take precedence— the intent and context did. And this is where my search began for an artist. An artist who immediately caught my eye was Ciara Havishya — I’d know of their work previously and decided to investigate further. Their gallery showcased intricate blackwork patterns both abstract and floral roped around limbs and torsos. In their work they communicated a deep sense of duty and care towards the act of tattooing, and as I looked at each tattoo I felt each body had been touched with more than ink. It was also incredibly important that I received this tattoo from another queer person, and Ciara also happened to be non-binary. I went about sending them an email explaining my situation and they responded with enthusiasm. Once I had my chemo dates I was able to book the tattoo appointment (I needed to be tattoo’d pre-chemo as chemo compromises your immune system).
Bald Beauty - ty Gabby
As I still had my nice thick mullet I needed to shave this clean off for the day of the tattoo. It was also important a queer person did this vulnerable act for me, so I booked in with Gabby’s Barbershop, who provided me with a gentle clean shave. I collected some of my fallen locks of red hair in a bag for later.
I was really enjoying the mullet I had grown. I then made my way to Bushido Tattoo where Ciara was situated. Something I learned about Ciara’s process — they keep tech to a minimum with their tattooing, which meant they were freehanding and designing a tattoo for my head on the spot. This involved a grueling 8-hour day (yes we did take breaks) where Ciara gridded out my head and drew the design on. It was incredible to watch someone so intricately build a grid out on a ROUNDED, UNEVEN SURFACE and build something so balanced on top of that. Once the design was largely figured out we called it a day. My neck was definately hurting after!
Ciara gridding out my head - Photo by Doug Fink
Head tatt draft - getting closer to finalization
Day two was tattoo day. After a bit more adjusting It was go time. I plucked some of my collected hair and we burnt it with incense to start the session. We each put on headphones and began our deep focus. The tattoo was painful and cathartic. I cried as I listened to Cocteau Twins. Apparently I was bleeding quite a bit. I focused on breathwork to get through the tattoo, and I told myself each line was one step towards a completed tattoo. I also told myself that if I could handle getting this tattoo that I could handle getting chemo. Two hours later we’d completed the tattoo. My head definitely stung, but I had something protective to take with me into chemo.
Final tatty — look at the cute little scorpions
WHAT’S NEXT
Blood Test - Jan 22
Oncologist Clinic - Jan 23
Chemotherapy 2/8 - Jan 25th
What I need right now, from most involved to least involved:
Donate to my gofundme
Thank you to all who have donated. I hold a lot of gratitude in my heart for this.
Compassion and patience.
Send positive energy: cast a spell, send a prayer, perform a ritual. Have me and my partner in your thoughts
